JAWing On – Life on Okinawa

My online posts must be hitting a nerve with someone. I received several what I call “spam-mails” from a person who’s into online poker. They seem to think that it is the job of a blog to impart philosophy. Well, this particular blog’s mission is to impart life experiences and observations a viewed by a foreigner on Okinawa. I merely provide information on the many aspects of life on Okinawa. However, if you are looking for some deep thought how about this?

We say mankind is a creature of habit. What are habits? I see them as no different than addictions trained into the brain over a certain period of time. If a person is denied the ability to perform the habit, then “withdrawal” occurs. I propose that pleasure or happiness is nothing more than getting a “fix” of these addictions, whatever they may be. The real question is, if mankind is a creature of addictions, than who determines which direction and form these addictions are to take? Religion, business, who?

In the previous two posts, I talked about bar hostesses and the male trickle-down effect. What about the female trickle-down effect? Yes there is one of those as well. What happens to the wives when those men are all out at the hostess bars? And how does working as a hostess affect how those females treat other females who happen to work at night?
Well, as far as what the wives are doing while their husbands are out running around depends a lot on what type of support system they have. When they are still young, most of the wives are out working in a variety of jobs. On Okinawa, it isn’t uncommon for them to be hostesses (many times as the mamasan) as well, once the infant has reached adolescence. One common scenario is the grandparents taking on the role of babysitter at night, while the mother goes to work.
When business is slow, it is very common for hostesses to frequent another club and try to round-up business. Once these women become the patron of another establishment, they expect to be able to treat that establishment’s staff in the same manner as they treat their own at their kisatens. In effect, they try to steal the other club’s patrons by, as Ling of Alley McBeal would put it, “dumb-stick” teasing the men. Because the profession of these women constantly entails drumming-up new victims, they are always on the job. When they encounter females who are naïve to the whole process, they use friendship as a means to manipulate the unsuspecting female into entertaining their customer or prospective customer. If they encounter a female who doesn’t believe in the use of female sexuality as a means to manipulate men, that female becomes a target of ridicule and on occasion physical abuse.

In my last post, I opened the subject of local men’s views of women. Let’s explore the trickle-down effect of this system. The attitude that women are put on Earth merely as someone to provide men entertainment is not limited to the night hostesses. I have worked in various jobs in my twenty-five years on Okinawa, and in every single one of them the local men I encountered seemed to think I was open game to the same kind of behavior that they display at the hostess kisatens. Basically, the majority of local men I have encountered think I am here to baby sit them, since I am not their wife. This behavior is not limited to strangers. The difference is because I am a foreigner, they think they can get a better deal on the product. All the men have an unwritten code on the behavior and expect you to take it in stride. Over the years, I have had so-called friends of my spouse treat me in the same manner. Even when they come to the club where my husband and I both work, they still try to play their little games. When you as an individual choose not to accept this behavior from them, they (following the rule of typical social behavior) seek to “destroy that which cannot be assimilated.” All of this undertow leads to some of the obnoxious behaviors I have discussed earlier in Pet Peeve posts. What many of these men don’t seem to fathom is that people as individuals will determine whether or not a particular type of behavior is acceptable for them. And if those women who do want to accept being nothing more than purchased male entertainment choose to, that’s their choice. But some women will not limit themselves to being nothing more than a babysitter/caretaker of little boys of any age.

I was doing research for something else on the WWW and ran across what I think is a very good description of the stereo-typical view of how local men see women in the night life. The article is a pretty balanced look at “working night women” and provides two links at the bottom of the article with personal experiences. So if you are interested in how other people view Japanese bar hostesses, check it out So You Want To Be A Hostess!

So far this year the typhoons have exploded all around us. With it being October, the typhoon season is nearing its end. All great events have a grand finale. Sure enough, we are now sitting-out a large blow hard as it makes its way over the island. And after that, there is another one awaiting the chance to display its massive show.

Most of us know the ongoing struggle between men and women and the toilet seat. Well men there are times when you don’t leave the seat down. One would think this is a no brainer, but when you have to use the women’ s facilities to relieve yourself, try lifting the toilet seat. It’s pretty disgusting to walk into the bathroom and find urine all over the toilet seat.

Last week I had an old friend visit the club. She had just become a grandmother of a very beautiful little girl. It is so hard to belief that it has been almost twenty-five years since we were hanging-out in Naha discos. She was merely in her late teens herself at the time and I was still in the Air Force. Since then, she has become a well-known local singer. She looked so happy and I am happy for her. When I reflect on those times I see how much difference time can make in the perceptions of a culture. Not that the culture itself changes much, just the perceptions and the outer surface of the location. Back then, all the resort hotels were just beginning to be built. The roads were much smaller. There were a limited number of cars, so driving was a pleasure not a chore. On-base, there were no high rises and civilian concessions were extremely limited. There were no “shopping malls” so to speak, except in Naha. I would spend all my free time at the beach, in izakayas, or at discos. Life was nothing more than one big on-going party, but having hang-overs every morning got pretty old after a little while. This culture tends to treat a person who isn’t interested in getting inebriated totally different than the person who goes out and spends all their money on partying. Oh well as the saying goes, it’s more fun when someone else is buying. Over here everyone’s a friend, as long as you’re the one doing all treating. I look at it this way; living over here taught me a long time ago the importance of true friendship. I was lucky, some people never learn.

As I mentioned before, I acquired my first computer about five years ago. I love having access to a wide array of information and especially enjoy learning how to create a variety of artistic expressions. Until recently, the usage of my computer for creative endeavors was somewhat limited because I was mainly using it for scholastic projects. Learning somewhat about html and css has been fun. One thing I was surprised to find when I began creating logos and slogans in more than one language for the club website, since we live on Okinawa, was that you can put the exact same phrase in major search engines in the English version with international search and then the Japanese version with international search and end up with two totally different results! Computing and the internet are constantly full of surprises.

Sometimes people can be so funny, like this woman I was around this week. As she was leaving a facility, she made a loud comment on how someone (I’m not sure who) lacked in etiquette. Anyone who was raised with any manners at all knows the difference between someone who shows proper etiquette and an imitating snob. Any woman that truly had a sense of etiquette would never have made such a comment so loudly that others could hear. She wouldn’t whisper the comment either. Whispering only indicates that one is saying something that is not polite enough to be said out loud. Any women who possessed real manners would know that if you have to say anything at all, it is done in private where others are not affected by the comment! Whereas an imitating snob is merely trying to point out someone else’s supposed lack of formal manners. In doing so, she is trying to display her knowledge of proper manners so as to boost her own ego, as well as her standing in the public eye. What this woman fails to understand is that her own indiscretion showed total lack of proper form. Some people understand the difference between a person with proper manners and someone who is trying to use social formality as a means to manipulate.