JAWing On – Life on Okinawa

Women who have to talk to other women’s husbands about their personal lives! I don’t know a simple way of putting it. There are some women who use their femininity to cause havoc in other women’s marriages. I’m not talking about mistresses, but women who don’t like the wife of a person so instead of being direct with the wife they don’t like, they do things to cause arguments between the couple. One of these is to be obvious by pursuing the passive/aggressive manner of “innocently” being flirtatious with the physique- hugs, hands all over the husband when they talk, etc. But the more damaging way is to “innocently” approach the target woman’s husband about personal troubles the aggressing female has with her current partner. All I have to say on this matter is:

1) If you have been putting-up with and complaining about dishonesty and abuse for year after year-quit whining!
2) You are a little girl not a woman-women take the matter to the source – you are the only one who has the power to change it!
3) Grow-up-very few true marriages are going break-up over such trivial nonsense.

These little girls might be successful in causing a small degree of disharmony between the couple, but mature women can see between the lines. If the married woman truly loves her spouse, she won’t allow the antics of these childish females to destroy her marriage!

On April 19 we lost one of our beloved pets, Twinkie. She was a mutt that had been part of our family for thirteen years. It was a difficult loss, but we knew it was her time. We have another mutt, Kato who is three. We all took some time to adjust to life without Twinkie. Around July 13, we decided it was time to adopt another pet so Kato would have a play mate. We went to Karing Kennels and found the absolutely most perfect match for Kato’s character. So, we adopted the six week old mutt. For the past few days our neighbor, who has two boys, has been eyeballing the pup. Yesterday, he was brave enough to talk to my husband about how adorable he found our new addition, Jaco. (It seems their puppy died while taking a walk.) My husband told him where they could find puppies for adoption. This morning at 8a.m. and 10a.m. I saw the man standing near our front porch, eyeballing Jaco again. It has raised a “red flag” in my consciousness. I find it a little alarming that the neighbor is so enamored with the pup that it has obviously become an object of desire. The only question that remains is will the neighbor act on the desire?

As a small business operator on a small sub-tropical island, one of the more difficult aspects of operation is the lack of basic supplies. A few times a year, I like to through minor surprise events which require a certain amount of decoration. We have the usual events, Halloween and New Years, and for the past two years I’ve also thrown in the Unofficial Start of Summer Celebration. When trying to order party supplies, I am faced with persons on the other end who lack international procedures. Not everyone is comfortable with using credit card information online, especially with so many security risks. Yet the sales personnel at these companies inevitably get totally confused when trying to organize a system which includes payment by international money order. With globalization through the internet, one would think it to be in the best interest of these companies to review their Standard Operating Procedures and set-up a SOP that includes the market of individuals at companies who prefer not to use credit card info over the net.

Each year the military bases try to hold “open-house” festivals to help promote friendship and sharing between the local and military communities. This year the weather just hasn’t been very cooperative. Almost every one of the scheduled festivals has had to be cancelled or postponed due to typhoons or thunderstorms. Luckily, last weekend Camp Kinser was able to hold a rescheduled Kinser friendship Fest. These festivals are especially important during this time of year because summer break for Japanese students usually begins at the end of July. The celebrations bring a much needed release for the pent-up energy of the vacationers. They also provide a brief break for the parents. And everyone usually has a good time with the limited exploration of the “unknown” territory of a military base.

Tipping on Okinawa is usually reserved for businesses frequented by Americans. I tell my regulars that I don’t think it is necessary to tip. If a customer does decide to tip, it is supposed to be in gratitude for good service rendered, not a bribe for special treatment in the future. Yet some people try to claim that I should provide them special treatment because of the amount of tipping they have done. The usual claim is that they have tipped over one hundred dollars in the previous month.

1) People should have a realistic idea of how much the service person makes in tips prior to making such a claim.
2) A service person usually knows exactly who does the tipping and approximately how much.
3) Not all service persons can be bribed into doing what is disadvantageous to the equal and fair treatment of all customers.

With Obon approaching, I am reminded of the first time I helped my mother-in-law with setting-up the dinner table. Coming from the U.S., I am accustomed to having a dinner napkin as part of the dining set-up. Well, my mother-in-law handed me the usual paraphernalia associated with Japanese dining, a bowl of rice, chopsticks, and tea. I was setting the table, when she called for me from the kitchen. I had placed the rice and tea on the table, but didn’t know where to place the chopsticks. Since a napkin wasn’t available and I didn’t want to place the chopsticks directly on the dining table, I quickly stuck them in the rice and returned to the kitchen to further assist my mother-in-law. Then next thing I knew, there was a loud exclamation of shock being exuded by my father-in-law, who had entered the dining room. The loud yelp was immediately followed by a roaring burst of laughter from my mother-in-law who had gone to find-out what the problem was. My husband came running into the kitchen quickly explaining that the manner in which I had placed the chopsticks in the rice bowl was reserved for honoring deceased ancestors during Obon and funeral ceremonies. With the locals being as superstitious as they are, my father-in-law was totally stunned when he saw his rice. Needless to say, I have never made that mistake again.

In the summertime, one of the first mistakes new people to Okinawa make is looking for the ice cream truck. I remember my first summer here. My sister and I were on base and thought we heard the familiar sound of the bells of a neighborhood ice cream truck. Quickly, we gathered our change and went running in the direction where the sound was coming from. We looked everywhere, trying to get a little break from the summer heat. When we finally did find the truck, it ended-up being the local garbage truck. We gave each other a blank stare and disappointedly returned home, laughing all the way!

The other day the local satellite station was airing “Cocktail” and one of the characters, Brian, said something that reminded me of a question I’ve had for a long time. What Brian says is, “There are two types of people, scammers and workers. Scammers never work and workers never scam.” The question that this brings to mind is would there be such a thing as stinginess without greed? Usually a person is accused of being ungenerous when others persons are expecting something for nothing or more than what they have actually earned. If people only expected what they actually worked for and earned would there be greed? And without greed, would there be a lack of generosity or stinginess?

Throughout life one runs across people who never seem to mentally graduate from High School. You know the type of person who has nothing interesting going on in their personal life, so their conversations are limited to gossip and dogging other people. The topics usually include comments on another person’s:

1) Personal appearance: unless you are going to be involved with the person on a romantic level – who gives a doggie’s doodoo!

2) Behavior: whether sexual or other, again unless you are going to have sex with the person or the behavior is disruptive or rude to you or others – who gives a doggie’s doodoo!

3) Belief system: hey we all have one, who are we as one individual to condemn personal beliefs of everyone else in the world, unless that belief leads to harm or personal difficulties.

My system of determining whether or not someone is blowing smoke is simple:

1) Is the situation of any importance, in other words, will the topic make a difference in whatever is being held to ridicule.

2) Does the comment include a solution to the situation or is it just a statement of what the speaker personally disagrees with.

3) What would I do if I were in the person being held to ridicule’s shoes? Is the person being ridiculed being unreasonable in the given circumstance? It’s easy to just make blank negative comments about someone, but if I would react the same way in the given circumstance, to condemn the behavior is nothing more than hypocrisy.

So to those who can’t get past ridiculing others, GET A LIFE!!!